Deb’s Digest

 Hadrian’s Wall

 me at Hadrian’s Wall (we think so anyway - this section could just have been the boundary wall to some old farm judging by the looks we were getting from hiking-types……)

Northumberland has now entered my “favourite places” list. And I’m ashamed of the fact that I’d written it off as a wilderness without ever having visited the place. We’ve just enjoyed a mini-break at Slaley Hall on the outskirts of Hexham.

Beautiful weather, fantastic surroundings and delicious food. When I couldn’t sleep one night last winter I watched an Open University programme all about Vindolanda - the Roman settlement next to Hadrian’s Wall where the oldest surviving writing tablets had been discovered, buried beneath mud and clay.

The originals are now in the British Museum but facsimiles are in the museum at Vindolanda - and touchingly, one is a birthday invitation from the wife of a Roman soldier, to her friend.

On the way home we passed a field of Alpacas (I want one).

 and a garden with some beautiful roses

Our younger son arrived at Dubai, then Singapore, Kuala Lumpur and Sandakan (orang utan territory) but that’s when communication stopped and by now he should be somewhere else so if I don’t get a reply to my texts tomorrow I’m off to who-knows where with Air Asia.

The view from our son’s balcony in Ibiza

Dunoon

It may seem rather unfair to compare Dunoon with Ibiza but the comparison is fresh in my mind because our younger son has just returned from three scortching days while my mother has just telephoned from Dunoon where she has been lying on her hotel bed all day watching the rain teeming down. I had a look at hotel and airfare prices to the Spanish island and it would have cost her half as much as she’s paying for a week under leaden skies.

Our son spent half an hour on the phone this morning relating his Ibizan escapades and I’ve spent every minute since with my head in my hands - I was surprised he had half an hour to spare because he’s now en-route to Malaysia where the weather (according to the BBC’s 5 day forecast) is much the same as in Dunoon (only hotter).  May I offload my worries here?:

1. Will his plane be hit by lightning?
2. Will he remember to take the soluble aspirin that could save him from DVT?
3. Will he get his connections - 3 planes to Kuala Lumper
4. Will his luggage be lost?
5. Will he wake up in time for his plane on the second day?
6. Will he be scratched or bitten by an orang utan?
7. Will he swim in the sea and be eaten?

That’s enough for the time being. I read something very profound the other day by someone called Kahlil Gibran. It was: “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.” I think someone must have drawn my string back a bit far.

The London son is sunning himself  in Ibiza. He and his work colleagues were asked to tick what they wanted to do on the first morning (because after all, this is a working holiday!) - go-karting; have a massage or lie by the pool. I held my breath because I thought I knew that he’d plump for go-karting. But no - his tick went next to lie by the pool - sensible lad. When he gets back he’s got precisely six hours before he leaves for Kuala Lumpur - complete (I hope) with soluble aspirin, circulation socks and Deet.

The artist son has definitely got green fingers - absolutely everything he plants and transplants, thrives. I got two free clematis plugs through the post last month - I kept one and gave him one. Mine has completely disappeared while his is half way up his fence.

Well I passed the maths exam - 72.5%. But since I achieved 71.4% when I walked into the classroom off the street four weeks ago, I’m not over-the-moon. The trouble is, I left all my revision until this morning, when I had a three hour session at college leading up to the exam. If you’re a keen follower of this blog you may remember that people have rudely stormed out and other people have done a runner, after asking to go to the toilet. So today it was just me and the tutor. And since she’s roughly the same age as me we got talking about families, suntans (using olive oil and vinegar), holidays and careers. By the time we’d got through that lot there wasn’t a lot of revision time left. Then I took a break and visited the sales. I did practise dimensions though by cramming shoe boxes into carrier bags.  I don’t think I’ve got enough time left to get to where I wanted to get to mathematically - which was the Big Bang.  I’ll have a cup of tea and think about it.

A few weeks ago I decided to take a maths course at the local college and tomorrow it’s the exam. I’ve had a stack of pretend exam papers on the dining room table for two weeks and when I make my daily “to do” list the pretend papers always feature (at the bottom of the list it’s true, but none-the-less they’re there). Needless to say they haven’t been touched and when my daughter asked me when I was going to start my revision I told her I’d probably do a bit on the morning of the exam. Well, the roof almost caved in as our roles reversed and I got a stern ticking off.   Whatever.

The London son went to a lovely wedding at the weekend and the reception was at Ragley Hall. He met up with his pals from Cambridge.

and if this picture disappears it’s because I’ve had another ticking off.

I bashed out another letter to the Times yesterday and lo and behold it’s in today’s paper. My husband’s not spotted it yet so I’m holding my breath. I’ve just been looking at some of the photos from the Cotswolds - it’s a beautiful area.

 It’s my own fault - I shouldn’t have been eating cholcolate. A big chunk of filling came away this morning just as I was enjoying a chunk of Cadbury’s Dairy Milk. I’d spotted some temporary filling mix in the chemist a while ago so rushed down to the village for a pack. Handed over my £5, came home and got in a right mess. I mixed the powder and the brown liquid (the kitchen smelled like the dentist’s surgery) and then tried to fill my own tooth - the stuff went everywhere and it burnt. In fact the side of my face felt as though I’d had three injections. I’m left with yellow cement covering more gum than tooth and I can hardly wait to phone the dentist on Monday. My Dad used to use super glue to stick fillings back in - maybe that was a better idea.

We’ve just got back from Stratford where we had tickets for A Midsummer Night’s Dream at The Courtyard Theatre. We were on row A and the stage was at chest-height in front of us. It was very shiny and at times we thought that the actors were going to slide off into our laps. The production was a classic and very funny. My only slight quibble was with the costumes. I’d booked to see the play as near to Midsummer  Night as I could get because to me it conjures up summer flowers, mossy banks and pretty fairies. But these fairies were Goths holding macabre dolls - not quite what I’d had in mind.

The new phones have now been fixed - in a manner of speaking. They’re called “Symphony” phones and they’re living up to that name. Whenever we get a call, each phone makes a different sound - one plays Happy Birthday. At the moment it’s quite amusing but I think we’re going to tire of the row very soon.

It was lovely to have everyone at home for Father’s Day and extremely appropriate cards were given - in fact I was convinced that the London son had stuck a photo of his dad on the front of his.

My husband can now go on his travels wearing a new shirt and gardening gloves  and equipped with a Fortnum and Mason picnic hamper and a pair of secateurs.

I wish I could put the delicious scent from these Abraham Darby roses on the site.

and while I was in a flowery mood I took a picture of the Nicotiana that seeded themselves in the pot where my fig is growing - they’re the biggest I’ve ever seen and I can only presume that they’re benefitting from the food I give the figs.

Before the European football matches started I’d decided to have a bet on Croatia - purely because I liked their strip when I saw it in Dubrovnik shop windows. Time has passed and I’ve done nothing about my bet. When I saw them play last night I thought I’d better do something about it. My old friend William Hill didn’t seem to be taking bets so I enrolled with Betfair. Great odds - 16/1 so I snapped them up and placed my £3 bet. “unmatched” came up in red which I think means that there isn’t enough in the kitty to pay me out if I win - apparently someone else has to have a bet against Croatia winning and then that money will be used for my winnings. So I deduced that if I laid a bet against Croatia winning, they’d have some money to pay me with. (are you still there?)  I put £3 on Croatia to lose. This bet was successful and in red I was told that if Croatia won I’d have £45 deducted from my account - HELP!

Our betting-wizard of a son is on the train home from London so I’m hoping against hope that he can sort me out - otherwise I’ll be screaming for my chosen team to lose.

And while he’s at home perhaps he’ll be able to show us how our new set of phones work. I’ve now cut six callers off in their prime by trying to transfer them to a phone in another room.

 A friend emailed this to me - I thought it was funny although not funny enough to be sent to the Tower for so if any lawyers are reading this - please let me know. And if any Americans are on my site - sorry.

 To the citizens of the United States of America from

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories except Kansas, (which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

(You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

1. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide.
2. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour’, ‘favour’
and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise’. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
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3. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ‘like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf and its spell- checker will be adjusted .

——————-4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
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